What to do?

Good morning y’all. How are things going with you? Today, I’m at a loss as to what to write about. Today is my grandson’s, Kai, birthday. He is 3. I can’t believe that it has been 3 years since he was born. My oh my, where does the time go? Happy Birthday Kai!

I’ve been feeling a little down the last couple of weeks. I am not sure exactly why. I haven’t felt like doing much. I’m not sewing, not cleaning, and not wanting to cook. And I am tired a lot. I know that these are all signs of depression. I know this but can’t seem to figure out why I’m feeling this way.

Am I overwhelmed? Maybe! We have court with one of our grandson’s this Friday and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I don’t have any emotion about it. This is what seems so odd to me. We got custody of 4 of our grandchildren. The judge thought that the kids would be better off with us than their mother. We have struggled physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially since getting custody. I’m not complaining because I wouldn’t change our decision for nothing in the world.

These kiddos bring so much life and happiness to us. I’m so impressed with all the growth that I see within them. I am so proud of them. The oldest on is 14 and has gotten into some major trouble. We knew that the kids were in a bad place and sought counseling for them. We caught the oldest stealing from us, his sister and brothers, and even school.

I made him return the items and suffer the consequence of his actions. We talked to him about where he was headed if he didn’t start making better choices. We even had a local policeman come talk to him. But as you can tell, we never got through to him. What could I have said to get him to listen? What should we have done differently?

He was a victim and now because he never received any help, he has done it to someone else. And there is a chance that it could mess up his whole life. I feel as if we failed him in some way. I’m hoping that he gets the help that he needs but a lot of that depends on his choices and from his past record, that scares me. He is getting a chance to change his life and learn how to make better choices but what are the odds.

The other 3 children are doing so much better since he has been gone. What does that mean? He had so much influence over them that it scares me. They don’t deserve that. They have all had a hard life and deserve so much more.

My heart just hurts because I don’t know what to do or how to go about finding out what I can do. I feel like a failure and that is one thing that is NOT ok for me to feel. I know that I have failed before, but I learn from it and grow so as not to make the same mistake again. But in this instance, what am I supposed to learn and how do I protect the other 3 children?

I’m going to stop writing for now. I hope that you have an awesome day. I am going to try to find my mojo and get busy. Christmas isn’t getting further away!