Good evening y'all! If you can't tell, today has been a little rough. I have some wonderful friends, Bernice, Katherine, and Donna, who don't let me isolate. Thank you ladies! I love y'all dearly. I have kept myself busy today between company. I managed to sand a planter box and paint it. I also painted a cross that I will proudly display in my yard. Bernice is going to put Ezra's name on it and it will be placed in the yard by an oak tree that we planted a week after Ezzy passed on to his Heavenly Father.
I have two planter boxes and we are going to put all 21 grandchildren's names on them! After we get them done, I'll post a picture of them and the cross. I'm also still working on a quilt for Wesley. I had some of it together and saw that I needed to cut off 1/4 inch on each little square. Wesley told me to just leave it, that no one would notice but I would. So I undid all of the stitches. I have 102 little strips to cut and 51 blocks to make. After I get those done, I'll iron all of the little squares and then cut them 5 inches square. I also have another quilt that I have to put on the quilting frame so that I can finish it up and get it to the person it is going to. I don't want to say any names until I have delivered it. Then I will post pictures of it as well. Lots of projects or some might say busy work.
By the time I go to bed, I'm so worn out (physically and emotionally) that I usually don't remember my head hitting the pillow. I love my memories of Ezzy but hate the pain they cause. I know that one day the memories will bring joy rather than pain. At times they do bring joy and then realization hits me like ton of bricks falling on me.
Some days, like today, I feel so lost. I had a woman actually tell me "You just need to stop thinking about him". I was stunned! How on earth do I do that? I have always thought of my grandchildren. She actually told me this less than 6 weeks from his passing. I'm disillusioned about so many things right now. I have been praying today that God gives me some clarity.
If you are a prayerful person, please pray for me and my entire family. Thank you! I hope that you all have a wonderful 4th of July. We don't have any plans which for me is a good thing!
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