Good evening. I went to church this morning but felt like a fish out of water. I seem so confused and disillusioned. I'm just so unhappy today. It's not any one thing, it's everything. Here at home, I can't seem to do anything right. Wesley jumps on me for anything and everything. Even if he doesn't realize it, that is what he does. I am also extremely sensitive. I have never been one to take criticism too well. I like to be lifted up not put down. I prefer to lift others up. I don't put them down. I just feel like my life is not going in the direction that I want it to go. I want to be joyful again. I keep praying for God to show me the way.
I did cook today. That isn't something that I do very often anymore. It was pretty good but I don't enjoy food like I use to. But maybe it's just my mood. How can people expect me to just be who I was? I can't right now, I doubt that I will ever be that person. There is this huge hole inside.
I don't know how to go around this mountain that I am confronted with. I don't know if I am strong enough to go over it. And I don't have the stamina to tunnel through it. This is part of my problem. I am usually the kind of person to find a solution to my problems. But this is something that I'm not sure about.
I want God to move this mountain for me. I guess I just want an easy fix. I don't want to feel this pain. But I know that I must. I keep hanging onto
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,
to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
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