Ezra, my sweet baby!

It's been a while since I have felt the need to journal. I don't even know how to begin anymore. Things had been going pretty smoothly for the past year. But 4 weeks ago tomorrow, our family had a horrific tragedy. My 3 year old grandson passed away. This has hit us so hard. What is there to say? There is nothing to say! I just know that it hurts to breathe. I miss him so much. He was such a little light in our world. I know that God must have thought that he was extra special as well.

There are so many things that I want to say but just thinking them bring tears to my eyes. For the first week, I kept hearing "Nona, it b awight, it b awight Nona" in his little voice when nothing in this world was right for me. I'm not sure anything will ever be alright.

I know that I have other grandchildren that I have to be here for. I also have a daughter and 2 sons and an awesome husband that need me. But it seems as if some days, nothing matters. It hurts so bad for me that I don't know how my daughter and her husband are doing this. Their faith in God is what is shining through for me.

I know that God has a plan and that it isn't always for me to understand. And to be quiet honest, I am angry at God. I'm also thankful for having these 3 wonderful years with Ezzy.

I know that this is all over the place. I am just typing as the words come to me. I don't know if any of you would be interested in his "Celebration of Life" but I am going to try to include it here:

I have so many things that I want to say but I am really tired now. I figure that I had to start somewhere. Hopefully my future entries will have some kind of format but I am not promising anything.

Thank you for allowing me to share with you!