Life Struggles!

Good morning y’all. I’m so sorry that I have been avoiding my responsibilities with this blog. I haven’t been just avoiding it, I’ve been avoiding my emotions. When I woke up this morning, so many thoughts were going through my head that I couldn’t go back to sleep. So, here I am at 3:00 am trying to sort them out. I’m waiting on the coffee to finish making so that maybe the fog will clear up some. My thoughts are rather jumbled so bear with me.

First, today is my mother’s birthday. She passed away from cancer in June 1990. She has been gone a long time but that doesn’t make it much easier today. There are many times that I find myself wishing that I could talk to her and get some of her wisdom. I am the same age she was when she passed, I don’t know why this is odd to me. But it is! I love you Mom and Happy Birthday!

I shared with you everything that happened last week with Emilio and my surgery. Tomorrow is my husband’s and my anniversary. It will be nine years. We haven’t had the easiest go of things but then who does? We are way beyond blessed. Why can’t we just be happy within our blessings? We seem to be going through a rough patch right now. I’m not completely ready to discuss all the details yet. But I know that I am shutting down. And this isn’t a good thing for me.

We don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things and when I try to discuss them, he shuts me down by saying that he is either “working on it” or “doesn’t want to discuss it”. And that is only if I get to actually finish my sentences which most of the time I don’t. I know that I can’t change him, so I need to change how I think about these things. For instance, I feel like when he cuts me off, I’ve always felt that means that he thinks that what I have to say isn’t important. But he doesn’t think of it that way. He cuts me off because a thought came to his mind and if he doesn’t say it, he’ll forget it. But is he truly listening? Most of the time, this is all I want from him. I want to know that I’m heard and cared for. I don’t need him to “fix it”.


Now on to something a little more exciting! We have found a house that will be coming up for rent. It’s a four bedroom/two bath. We haven’t got to look inside yet but Wesley has peeked through the windows to get an idea of what it looks like. It’s an older house on a corner lot with a huge yard. I’m excited about it. The gentleman that owns it is remodeling it. And another big thing is that it is considerably cheaper than what we pay now. I also think that with a little bit of time, we will be able to get our stuff out of storage so that is another $50 we can save. I will keep you posted on any updates.

Well, I hope that all of you have a wonderful Tuesday. All three of the kiddos have dentist appointments today, so we will be busy.